Disrespectful Behaviour Children: No More
Amazing Parents, How Are You?
Let’s check in with a really tough topic: Disrespectful Behaviour!
As parents, we’ve all faced those moments when our children’s disrespectful behaviour such as tantrums, rudeness, or entitlement. At times it leaves us feeling lost. Let’s explore why this happens and how to turn it around with practical, empathetic strategies that work for your family.
What is Disrespectful Behaviour?
Disrespectful behaviour is when children act entitled, ignoring others’ efforts or contributions, often without gratitude. It might look like a child sitting back while others clean or cook, expecting to enjoy the results without helping. It can also show up as lashing out, being rude, or skipping manners. This isn’t always intentional—it’s often shaped by the environment and parenting styles.
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Why Does It Happen?
Disrespectful behaviour stems from a mix of parenting styles, emotional awareness, and environment:
Permissive Parenting: Too few boundaries can lead to entitled behaviour.
Authoritarian Parenting: Overly strict rules may cause rebellion or emotional outbursts.
Balanced Approach (authoritative Parenting): Combining clear expectations with autonomy fosters respect and empathy.
Emotional Regulation Gaps: Children often lack tools to manage big emotions, leading to outbursts mistaken for disrespect.
Home vs. School Dynamics: At school, children face social pressures to conform (e.g., being silent when a teacher raises their hand). At home, familiarity and leniency can lead to freer, sometimes disrespectful, expression.
Many parents, hoping to avoid the strict upbringings they experienced, give their children everything they didn’t have. This can foster entitlement, where children expect rewards without contributing effort. The challenge? Bridging the gap between apathy and discipline without frustration.
“Listening to your child’s frustrations says, ‘I care, and I’m here for you.’”
What Really Works
Are you at the point where parenting just feels tough, and feeling frustrated is the new normal. Let me tell you this. Start today by making small steps in the opposite direction. Towards a better system, with tools and clear outcomes. Every small step you take builds a stronger connection with your child. Here’s how to guide them towards respect and empathy:
Connect and Reflect: Discuss disrespectful incidents with your child. If they’re upset or defensive, help them process emotions first. Let them completely vent, no matter how irrational. Then try the 4-4-4 breathing technique (box breathing): Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds. Practise during calm moments so they can use it when upset.
Active Listening: Have them paint the true picture about what is wrong. Hear your child’s concerns without judgement. For example, if they’re embarrassed about taking healthy lunches to school (while peers have crisps), acknowledge their feelings of being teased or “not good enough.”
Educate and Collaborate: Teach why certain choices matter, why eating healthily matters. Cook a fun recipe together or read a children’s nutrition book. When children create something, they take pride in it, like a drawing they’re eager to show you. This instills ownership and changes their internal bias to “fit in” or appease poor choices despite pressures. This takes time, be prepared to do the work.
Set Clear Expectations: Consistently reinforce values like manners, patience, and gratitude. Model these behaviours yourself to show what’s expected.
Reset When Overwhelmed: If you or your child feel stuck, use a reset tool like box breathing or a 10-minute meditation to regain clarity. This models emotional regulation for your child.
I teach my kids emotional regulation in the moments of stress, but more importantly I teach them how to access and modulate their emotional state when they are not under stress. A guided meditation or breathing session every morning works amazingly. Again this is a process that will take time. In order for this to work you have to be invested yourself. You can’t be disengaged, distracted or mentally absent. You need to commit to the same process and moment you’re asking of your kids.
PS The above practice actually makes your life easier 10x. \
How? Because it makes you better at regulating stress, allows your understanding of disrespectful behaviours to be comprehensive which in turn allows you to stay controlled when things go off track. You become more efficient in your management of your kids’ schedule and actions.
A Real-World Example
My partner and I struggled with our daughter’s refusal to eat healthy lunches, fearing teasing from peers. By actively listening to their concerns it allowed them to be heard. Secondly I explained how the unhealthy foods the other kids eat work in the body and asked them which results they would prefer. After active listening and some discussion our girls were more than happy to get creative with healthy foods in order to prevent the downsides of eating processed junk food for school lunches. They also enjoyed their more stable and happier moods. Including the kids in the decision making process and coming to a consensus together definitely has its challenges. However, by doing this it builds autonomy for better choices in the future, giving you more time and energy to enjoy life.
The Results
These strategies build:
Personal Intelligence: Children learn to make decisions in their best interest.
Empathy: They understand how their actions affect others.
Resilience: They navigate change despite fear or doubt.
A little handhold and conversation go a long way.
Progress may feel slow—change can trigger discomfort. If frustration arises, pause, breathe, and remember: You’re not alone in this journey.
Recommended Reads
Go deeper into the process of how kids think, how to help them with their thinking and behaviour with these amazing books.
"The Whole-Brain Child" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson: Learn neuroscience-based strategies to help your child manage emotions and reduce disrespectful outbursts.
"How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish: Discover communication techniques to foster respect and understanding in your parent-child dynamic.
"No-Drama Discipline" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson: This book offers tools to discipline without escalating conflicts, helping curb disrespectful behaviour.
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With love ❤️ Hamish